Обратная связь
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Reincarnation |
James, as usual, came home really late one Saturday night after being at the bar all night drinking. Not only was he drunk, he was sloppy drunk. He carefully crept into bed next his wife, who fell sleep angry hours earlier, and gave her a goodnight kiss on the check in hopes that she wouldn’t wake up.
He awoke in the middle of the night to a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. “Who the hell are you,” demanded James, “and what are you doing in my bedroom?” The mysterious man answered “This is not your bedroom, and my name is St. Peter”.
James didn’t take the news so well… “You mean I’m dead! That can’t be, I have so much to live for, I haven’t even said goodbye to my family… you’ve got to send me back right away!”
St. Peter replied “You cannot go back as you were, you have passed away James. However, you can be reincarnated – but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.” James was devastated, but knowing that there was a farm just down the road from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.
A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking at corn on the ground. “This ain’t so bad,” he thought until he felt a strange feeling churning inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said “So you’re the new hen, huh? How are you enjoying your first day here?” “It’s not so bad” replies James, “but I have this strange feeling inside like I’m about to explode”. “You’re ovulating” explained the rooster, “haven’t you ever laid an egg before?”
“Never” replies James.
“Well just relax and let it happen.”
And so he did, and just a few uncomfortable seconds later an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him – emotions got the better of him as he experienced the joy motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him… ever!
The joy of motherhood continued to build and, just as he was just about to lay his third egg, he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shout “James, wake up you drunken bas*ard, you’re sh*tting the bed!”
 Reincarnation
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Смотреть далее | 29.12.2024 | Отправить ссылку друзьям |
Письмо с предолжением встречи в Москве |
Письмо с предолжением встречи в Москве
Dear Andrew, I shall be in Moscow for a couple of days next month, and I was wondering if we could meet together. It has been such a long time since we met and I am very anxious to hear how things are with you. What about Wednesday, May 15? If this would suit you I suggest we meet at the entrance to my hotel, which is "Metropol", at 14.00. Please let me know if this is convenient for you. Best regards, Tom
[ перевод ]
Дорогой Андрей! В следующем месяце я на пару дней собираюсь в Москву и подумал, что мы можем встретиться. Мы не виделись целую вечность, и меня очень беспокоит, как твои дела. Я предлагаю увидеться в среду, 15 мая. Давай встретимся у входа в мою гостиницу «Метрополь» в 14:00. Пожалуйста, сообщи, устраивает ли тебя такой вариант. C лучшими пожеланиями, Том
 The Moscow Kremlin
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Смотреть далее | 29.12.2024 | Отправить ссылку друзьям |
Письмо любимой с просьбой о прощении |
Письмо любимой с просьбой о прощении
Svetlana, sweetheart, Please write and say you forgive me. It was all my fault that we quarreled. I am awfully sorry, about it. It's not that I don't love you, darling, but that I love you so much that my heart rather than my head is my master. Say you still love me as I adore you, for without your love I am a man without life. Adoringly yours, Alexander
[ перевод ]
Светлана, Любимая!
Пожалуйста, напиши мне и скажи, что ты прощаешь меня. Это целиком моя вина в том, что мы поссорились, и я страшно переживаю. Дело не в том, что я не люблю тебя, дорогая, а в том, что я так тебя люблю, что мое сердце повелевает мною, а не мой рассудок. Скажи, что все еще любишь меня, я тебя обожаю. Без твоей любви я не могу жить. Любящий тебя, Александр

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Смотреть далее | 27.12.2024 | Отправить ссылку друзьям |
Top Ten Guidelines for Enlightenment |
- Be a Fundamentalist — make sure the Fun always comes before the mental. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be canceled. A laugh track has been provided, and the reason why we are put in the material world is to get more material. Have a good laughsitive twice a day, and that will insure regularhilarity.
- Remember that each of us has been given a special gift — just for entering. So you are already a winner!
- The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision. That is where I tell a vision to you, and you tell a vision to me. That way, if we don’t like the programming we’re getting, we can change the channel.
- Life is like photography. You use the negative to develop. And, no matter what adversity you face, be reassured: Of course God loves you –He’s just not ready to make a commitment.
- It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between the ears, causing a condition called truth decay. So be sure to use mental floss twice a day. And when you’re tempted to practice tantrum yoga, remember what we teach in Swami’s Absurdiveness Training class: “Don’t get even, get odd.”
- If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments and truly live like nomads. That’s where I no mad at you, you no mad at me. That way, there’ll surely be nomadness on the planet. And peace begins with each of us. A little peace here, a little peace there, pretty soon all the peaces will fit together to make one big peace everywhere.
- I know great earth changes have been predicted for the future, so if you’re looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice is simple. When you find a fault, just don’t dwell on it.
- There’s no need to change the world. All we have to do is toilet train the world, and we’ll never have to change it again.
- If you’re looking to find the key to the Universe, I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is — there is no key to the Universe. The good news is — it has been left unlocked.
- Finally, everything I have told you is channeled. That way, if you don’t like it, it’s not my fault. And remember, enlightenment is not a bureaucracy. So you don’t have to go through channels.
 Top Ten Guidelines for Enlightenment
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Смотреть далее | 27.12.2024 | Отправить ссылку друзьям |
Письмо другу о переезде в Лондон |
Письмо другу о переезде в Лондон
Dear James, I am sorry, I have not written. I am moving to London. I received your beautiful book on Java language programming art on September 3. But I had to leave Madrid the next day on September 15. I was very happy that you sent me your address again because I had left your address in a box of papers in Madrid to be sent to London later. On October 15, I will move to London. My address will be 04532, London, Bond street, 6-43 With best whishes, Michael
[ перевод ]
Дорогой Джеймс!
Извини меня, что не писал. Я переезжаю в Лондон. Получил твою прекрасную книгу о программировании на Ява 14 сентября. Но на следующий день мне пришлось срочно уехать из Мадрида. Я очень рад, что ты снова сообщил мне свой адрес, так как я оставил его в Мадриде среди моих документов, которые позднее должны были быть отправлены в Лондон. Я перееду в Лондон 15 октября. Мой новый адрес будет: 04532, Лондон, Бонд-стрит, 6-43 С наилучшими пожеланиями, Михаил

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Смотреть далее | 26.12.2024 | Отправить ссылку друзьям |
Collateral |
The old Indian wanted a loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application, “What are you going to do with the money?”
“Make jewelry and sell it,” was the response.
“What have you got for collateral?”
“Don’t know collateral.”
“Well that’s something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?”
“Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup.”
The banker shook his head, “How about livestock?”
“Yes, I have a horse.”
“How old is it?”
“Don’t know, has no teeth.”
Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan.
Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, “Here to pay.” he said. He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off.
“What are you going to do with the rest of that money?”
“Put in tepee.”
“Why don’t you deposit it in my bank,” he asked.
“Don’t know deposit.”
“You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it.”
The old Indian leaned across the desk, “What you got for collateral?”
 Collateral
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Смотреть далее | 26.12.2024 | Отправить ссылку друзьям |
Сравнения качеств человека в английском |
Сравнения качеств человека в английском
- as fast as a hare – быстрый как заяц
- as sly as a fox – хитрый как лисица
- as hungry as a wolf – голодный как волк
- as proud as a peacock – гордый как павлин
- as fat as a pig – жирный как свинья
- as quiet as a mouse – тихий как мышь
- as stubborn as a mule - упрямый как осёл
- as free as a bird – свободный как птица
- as playful as a kitten – игривый как котенок
- as brave as a lion – смелый как лев
- as wise as an owl – мудрый как сова
- as slow as a snail – медленный как улитка
- as blind as a bat – слепой как летучая мышь
- as ugly as a toad - уродлив как жаба
- as eager as a beaver – активный как бобёр
- as gentle as a lamb – кроткий как ягненок
- as strong as an ox – сильный как бык
 Два жирафа
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Смотреть далее | 25.12.2024 | Отправить ссылку друзьям |
Question and answer blonde jokes |
Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.
Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper
 Question and answer blonde jokes
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Смотреть далее | 25.12.2024 | Отправить ссылку друзьям |
Топик Multiracial Families - Межрасовые семьи |
Multiracial Families - Межрасовые семьи
In Western culture, a typical family usually consists of a couple with their biological children. But some couples can't have their own children for different reasons and they choose to build a family through adoptions. Infertility is the main reason why men and women want to adopt children. Some couples have compassion for poor parentless children and adopt them for humanitarian reasons. Some believe that it is more responsible to take care of indigent children than to give birth to their own children. Some have to resort to adoption because of health problems. Adoption isn't just for childless people. Many families have biological children and choose to adopt as well. There are millions of children in the world in need of loving families and permanent homes. Nowadays the growing number of men and women adopt children from other countries including Third World countries. In recent decades international adoptions have become increasingly popular. International adoption means adopting a child from a foreign country. Many people are eager to adopt children and since there is more demand than supply within the country for adoptions, they are looking overseas to adopt. Adopting children from foreign countries couples hope that their children's natural parents will not interfere in their life. Most adopted children come from Ethiopia, China, Russia, Guatemala, South Korea and other countries. For example, Americans have adopted more than 200,000 children from overseas in the past 15 years. There are still many people who are skeptical about adoption. Some people are concerned about the genetic quality of adopted children and they believe that adoptees are predisposed to drug and alcohol problems as well as to behavior problems. Some adopted children have histories of maltreatment, physical and sexual abuse. Other people think that the absence of biological ties complicates parent-child relationships.
The mass media is the primary source of information about adoption and it plays a role in the increased interest in international adoptions. Every time a Hollywood celebrity adopts a child, there is a great increase in enquires from people wishing to adopt. Among the celebrities who have adopted children from abroad are Josephine Baker, Mia Farrow, Dan Marino, Sharon Stone, Ewan McGregor, Meg Ryan, James Caviezel, and Julie Andrews. In the 2000s, the couples Angelina Jolie/Brad Pitt and Madonna/Guy Ritchie drew public attention by adopting several children from Third World countries. In 2002, Jolie adopted her first child, seven-month-old Maddox Chivan. The star decided to apply for adoption after she had visited Cambodia twice. Jolie adopted a six-month-old girl from Ethiopia, Zahara Marley in 2005. In 2006 the famous actress gave birth to a daughter, Shiloh Nouvel, in Swakopmund, Namibia. In 2007, Jolie adopted a three-year-old boy from Vietnam, Pax Thien. Jolie gave birth to twins, a boy, Knox Leon, and a girl, Vivienne Marcheline in Nice, France in 2008. In her interview for People Magazine Angelina Jolie has said, 'Most of the night I just thought about how quickly I want to adopt again. It's a very special thing. There's something about making a choice, waking up and travelling somewhere and finding your family. ... There are so many wonderful places. There are many parts of Asia, Africa, South America, so sooner or later I'll end up everywhere, I'm sure.' In 2006 Madonna decided to adopt a boy named David Banda Mwale from Malawi. The procedure was complicated by the fact that Malawian law requires prospective parents to reside in Malawi for one year before adopting. There was a storm of controversy as some people were sure that Madonna's application received special status because of her celebrity. The adoption was finalized in 2008. Many families who adopt children should understand that love is not enough to make their family united and happy. They should also respect their children's cultural heritage and teach them the history, traditions and language of their native country. Adoption has quite an impact on modern society changing its structure and people's attitude to racial barriers. Adam Pertman, an adoption expert, has said, 'Suddenly there are Jews holding Chinese cultural festivals at synagogues, there are Irish people with their African American kids at St Patty's Day. This affects whole communities, and as a consequence our sense of who we are, what we look like, as a people, as individual peoples. These are profound lessons that adoption is teaching us.'
 Robin Givens, American actress and director
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Смотреть далее | 24.12.2024 | Отправить ссылку друзьям |
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