A curious case...

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.

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At the immigration Service

At the immigration Service - Name? - Abu Dalah Sarafi. - Sex? - Four times a week. :))))

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How much vocabulary do you know? [Test]

The words at the beginning of the list below are high frequency and the words at the end of the list are very low frequency. Put a check next to each word for which you know the meaning. This short test will help you to get a feeling for how many words you know. Multiply the number of words you know in this list by 500 to find your vocabulary size. 1. bird 2. fell 3. improve 4. barn 5. fatigue 6. kettle 7. combat 8. resent 9. redeem 10. hurrah 11. conversion 12. fixture 13. accede 14. avocation 15. calyx 16. conclave 17. hierarchy 18. monologue 19. tamper 20. acanthus 21. blowout 22. crupper 23. gloaming 24. minnesinger 25. perpetuity 26. riffle 27. behindhand 28. embolism 29. angst 30. blowhard 31. devolute 32. envoi 33. golliwog 34. neonate 35. plainchant 36. astrochemistry 37. nondurables 38. carboxyl 39. eyestalk 40. curragh 41. gunlock 42. dipole 43. rigorism 44. localist 45. benchboard 46. stirabout 47. hypothallus 48. doombook 49. paradiplomatic 50. poroplastic

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Аудиокнига Robin Hood

Аудиокнига Робин Гуд на английском языке. Плюсом данного материала является то, что его можно читать параллельно аудированию диктора. Chapter 1 Chapter 2

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You know it's going to be a bad day when ...

. . . your twin sister forgets your birthday. . . . you wake up face down on the pavement. . . . you put your bra on backwards and it fits better. . . . you call suicide prevention and they put you on hold. . . . you see a "60 Minutes news team" waiting in your outer office. . . . your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles. . . . you turn on the TV news and they're displaying emergency routes out of your city. . . . the woman you've been seeing on the side begins to look like your wife. . . . your horn goes off accidently and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway. . . . your boyfriend calls and tells you he has 6 days to live, and that you'd better get the Test . . . you have an appointment in 10 minutes and you just woke up . . . your doctor tells you, "Well, I have bad news and good news..."

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A Guy Walks Into a Bar

A guy walks into a bar and starts chatting with a tall, attractive blonde woman. During the course of the conversation he says would you like to hear a 'blonde' joke ? "Well", says the girl, "I'm obviously blonde, I'm 6 feet tall without heels and I've been training in judo for the past 5 years." Raising her voice slightly she went on, "My flatmate's blonde, she's 6 feet 2" tall, has been involved in karate for 10 years, she's a black belt and has been Southern Counties Ladies' Champion for the past 3 years. Lastly she added "My next door neighbor's blonde, she weighs over 200lbs. and is a professional womens' wrestler, do you still want to tell the joke about a blonde ?" "Well no" came the reply, "Not if I've got to explain it 3 times".

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Birth Control at 72?

An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth-control pills." Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?" The woman said, "Simple, I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night."

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The Straight Dope On Food, Health, & Exercise

** Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. ** Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop. ** Q: Is beer or wine bad for me? A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables. ** Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. ** Q: At the gym, a guy asked me to "spot" for him while he did the benchpress. What did he mean? A: "Spotting"for someone means you stand over him while he blows air up your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if you find that it becomes the ONLY reason why you're going in, you probably ought to reevaluate your exercise program. ** Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain - Good. ** Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer? A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual expression and peace of mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time. ** Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. Infact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? ** Q: What's the secret to healthy eating? A: Thicker gravy. ** Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

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