Анекдоты, шутки и смешные истории на английском языке (часть 3)

В данном разделе собраны ссылки на анекдоты, шутки и смешные истории на английском языке, которые легко читаются и доступны для понимания большинству новичков, которые изучают английский. [Часть 3] 1. Too Enthusiastic 2. A little boy 3. A man died 4. Farmer's Tractor 5. 747 6. Reverend 7. Man, Woman, Sleeping Compartment 8. Touchy Feely Cracky 9. Women vs. Vinyl Records 10. At the Pharmacy 11. Put It On Your Organ 12. Sumo Kamikaze 13. Rooster in His Declining Years 14. Toilet Brush 15. Shooting an Elephant 16. Banana Peel 17. The Blonde Fox 18. Making a Confession 19. Ol' McBlondie 20. Blonde haircut 21. Mysterious death 22. What's Worse? 23. Lawyer... Genius 24. Spell L-O-V-E 25. Go Fish 26. Rabbit Breakout 27. Drunken Man and Blonde 28. English Patient 29. Warm and Moist 30. Gloves and Panties 31. Who's the Most Fun to Operate On? 32. Bee Jokes for the Pollen in You 33. S & M 34. Puzzle Pieces 35. B-Day Sex 36. Man Catches Crocodile 37. Signs That You're A Drunk 38. Clock Joke 39. Stumpy and his wife 40. Goose Hunting 41. Smoking in the Rain 42. The Magician and the Parrot 43. Throwing Stuff Down A Mineshaft 44. None For You 45. Hide the Duke 46. Wedding Dress 47. I'm a Barbie Girl 48. Yo mama's so poor... shoe 49. Staring Insult 50. Clinton's DNA 51. Shut-up and Trouble 52. Nerd Season 53. A Small Problem 54. Romantic Pink Slip 55. Shrewd Investment 56. 3 Vampires 57. I See You! 58. Leper Hockey 59. Hole in One 60. Fish Market 61. Highbrow Genital Jokes 62. Law of Cat Inertia 63. Pound for Pound 64. Jedi Nights 65. Hot Doggin' 66. The Feline Diet 67. Adult Swim 68. Finder's keepers 69. Hand me downs 70. The taste of a new generation 71. Dogs and Light Bulbs 72. Horses at the Race 73. Drink up 74. Lay off 75. 10 Things in Golf that Sound Dirty 76. Low self-esteem 77. Tales from the Shire 78. Loud, mad, or sad 79. I often feel guilty 80. Better relationship 81. Emotional extremes 82. 12-Pack 83. Trouble sleeping 84. One Side of a Phone Call between James Bond... 85. Question and answer blonde jokes 86. Rowing Your Boat 87. 69 joke 88. Blonde Car Accident 89. Dog Property Rules 90. Sounds of the Wild 91. Blonde Sky Divers 92. Giving Cats Pills 93. I Want to Buy That 94. Collateral 95. Top Ten Guidelines for Enlightenment 96. Pa won’t like that 97. Useful phrases 98. Reincarnation 99. Exciting news 100. Three parrots 101. The way to recognise a company car 102. The blonde joke 103. The blonde joke 104. Sign of the times 105. O’Malley’s last stand 106. Three drunks 107. The pheasant and the bull 108. The rescuing hug 109. Top 10 Universal Truths 110. Betty Crocker 111. The scottish farmer 112. Quotes from Stupid 113. Caring Men 114. 2+2 115. The big shot 116. Eye Exam 117. Fart to The Beat 118. Quotes from stupid, part 2 119. Tiger Woods 120. Bank Teller 121. Self-Appraisal – An Inspiring Story! 122. Country Song Titles 123. Relations - Отношения [rus] 124. Two Ethical Questions! 125. Keep On Singing 126. Honest grandma 127. The differences between you and your boss 128. Strange Facts That May Be True 129. Five Dollars 130. Shake it up 131. Being a dick 132. Married men make the best employees 133. Grass sandwich 134. Age difference 135. Always by my side 136. Strange Facts That May Be True, part 2 137. Having a bad day 138. Einstein’s Chauffer 139. Things Found Only in America 140. First on The Throne 141. Tampon shopping 142. The Old Wise Man! 143. Having a bad day 144. Poor Silver 145. For the sake of decency 146. The jewish joke 147. Jewish Atheist 148. Three nuns 149. The blonde joke Анекдоты, шутки и смешные истории (часть 1) | Анекдоты, шутки и смешные истории (часть 2)

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Анекдоты, шутки и смешные истории на английском языке (часть 2)

В данном разделе собраны ссылки на анекдоты, шутки и смешные истории на английском языке, которые легко читаются и доступны для понимания большинству новичков, которые изучают английский. [Часть 2] 1. Tic, Tic, Tic 2. The Test 3. Toilet Paper 4. About Men 5. Go Fly A Kite 6. All About Adam 7. Alimony 8. Better Than Pork 9. You Were Warned 10. Blood Circulation 11. Buying a Horse 12. Going To The Toilet 13. Cow Giving Birth 14. Giggling In Class 15. Legs In The Air 16. Airplane Conversation 17. Asking Mommy 18. Mortgage Problems 19. God's Creations 20. Problems In Maths 21. Nice Children's Tale 22. Train Delay 23. A Wet Whisper 24. Special Trick 25. Balcony Life 26. Innocent Girl 27. Childrens' Minds 28. Sex Positions 29. Name Game 30. Horse Riding 31. Is The Seal Broken? 32. What do you want for Xmas? 33. Cookies 34. I won, is that because... 35. Tampons Wonder 36. Kiwis 37. Wooden leg pig 38. Ireland Crash 39. Fishing 40. Shocked President 41. Curious Indian Boy 42. First Date 43. Snoring Problems 44. What's In A Name 45. Contempt Of Court 46. Tough Mice 47. Trip To Oz 48. 39 Children 49. Reluctant Cow 50. Falling 51. Strong Man 52. Dealing With Snoring 53. Official Visits 54. The Miracle 55. Welcome To Hell 56. Vatican Debate 57. New Son-In-Law 58. Polish Paratrooper 59. Visit To Rome 60. One Last Song 61. The Blind Man 62. Sam The Man 63. Divorce 64. Bad News 65. Water For The Emir 66. Human Monkey 67. Nursing Home 68. Signs That You're Broke 69. Cannibals Meal 70. Old Brake Up 71. IRS Visit 72. Last Request 73. A Day Off 74. Thank Stalin 75. Good Sale 76. New Farmer 77. Camel Questions 78. Landing Announcement 79. Gas Emissions 80. Engineering Students 81. Free Drinks 82. Golf Game 83. Watch Your Mouth 84. No Milk 85. Religious Parrot 86. Turtles At A Picnic 87. Driving With Penguins 88. Don't Answer! 89. Flying Turtle 90. Kinky Parrots 91. Where Are We? 92. Great Britain 93. Lost Cigarettes 94. Not Enough Bread 95. Sugar Cookies 96. The Wrong Way 97. Shrinks' Problems 98. Diving Accident 99. Happy Soldiers 100. $350 room 101. Naked On The Porch 102. 85 Year Old Groom 103. Before It Starts 104. Male Virgin 105. If I Died 106. Not Hungry 107. Woman In The Shadows 108. Birthday Present 109. Bad Weather 110. Stupid Wives 111. Tarazan Having Sex 112. Wandering Dog 113. What Size? 114. Rigged Contest 115. Almost Midnight 116. James Bond's Special Watch 117. Girls' Night Out 118. How Often Man Have Sex 119. New-Born Spaghetti 120. School Play 121. Making A Puppy 122. Brave Cursing 123. What Is Politics? 124. Talking Too Much 125. A Quickie 126. Taking A Leak 127. Doctors Chat 128. Kerry Fan 129. Chores 130. Fatal Accidents 131. Knots And Ropes 132. Brown Balls 133. Emergency Appointment 134. Specimen 135. Confusion 136. Meatballs 137. Cheating Statue 138. Mabster Last Present 139. Falling Asleep 140. Can't Explain 141. A Trip To Mars 142. Perfect Life 143. SuperBowl Seat 144. Superball Fever 145. No Luck With Women 146. Trip To Europe 147. Funny Bumper Stickers 148. Vampire Blood Анекдоты, шутки и смешные истории (часть 1) | Анекдоты, шутки и смешные истории (часть 3)

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Анекдоты, шутки и смешные истории на английском языке (часть 1)

В данном разделе собраны ссылки на анекдоты, шутки и смешные истории на английском языке, которые легко читаются и доступны для понимания большинству новичков, которые изучают английский. 1. You know it's going to be a bad day when ... 2. A Guy Walks Into a Bar 3. Birth Control at 72? 4. The Straight Dope On Food, Health, & Exercise 5. Things Kids Should Learn in School 6. Blonde jokes 7. A present for the anniversary 8. Believe in life after death 9. Doctor and a nurse having an affair 10. Joke: Brothel 11. Joke: Working Construction 12. Joke: Tell The Difference 13. Joke: English Lessons 14. Joke: Bra Types 15. Joke: Manhood 16. Joke: Saving For Marriage 17. Joke: Fresh From Jail 18. Joke: Duck Hunting 19. Joke: Husband Calling 20. Joke: Word Test 21. Joke: Say What You Mean 22. Joke: Medical Orders 23. Joke: Golf Funeral 24. Joke: Want A Divorce? 25. Joke: Your'e Beautiful! 26. Joke: Presidental Call 27. Joke: Bee Sting 28. Joke: Riding The Camel 29. Joke: Aliens In Arizona 30. Joke: Corruption Trial 31. Joke: Emergency Landing 32. Joke: Drunk Again 33. Joke: Three Kinds 34. Joke: On A Lonely Island 35. Joke: Going To Iraq 36. Blonde Deodorant 37. At Work 38. I think... 39. Magic Mirror 40. Shopping 41. Teaching A Lesson 42. Union Rules 43. Happy Pharmacist 44. Mouthful 45. Drunk Driver 46. Oklahoma Fan 47. The Daily News 48. Names On The Wall 49. Blonde In Jail 50. Car Problem 51. New Secretary 52. The Interview 53. Fresh Marriage Breakfast 54. Expensive Kiss 55. Saber tooth tigar 56. Patent Leather Shoes 57. Jack Or Jill 58. Dumb Husband 59. Lights On 60. Back Sit 61. Head and Shoulders 62. Sleeping Pills 63. Looking For Cops 64. Nudist Vacation 65. Osama's Valentine 66. Sunday Class 67. Funny Faces 68. Spoiled Mother 69. Good Reason 70. Special Ring 71. Rye Bread 72. Christmas - Getting Into Heaven 73. Impossible Story 74. Black Powder 75. Bad Golfer 76. Angry Shiek 77. Going To Sleep 78. Drinks 79. Golf Balls 80. Devil 81. Who's Child Is It? 82. Obscene Note 83. Strong Pill 84. Driving Award 85. Crappy Story 86. Smart Bribe 87. Italian Vacation 88. Mississippi 89. Where Babies Come From 90. Ed Zachary 91. Deathbed 92. The Coffin 93. Looking Young 94. Holy Water 95. 16 Years Of Meat 96. Waiting For Love 97. Stirring On Mars 98. Nude Driving 99. 3 women in a bar... 100. Nude Tan 101. Labor Pills 102. The Carburetor 103. Slow Driver 104. Cold Hands 105. What Day It Is 106. Red Tomatoes 107. Obstetrician Visit 108. A Doctor's Opinion 109. A Miracle 110. Olympic Condoms 111. Gently Put 112. Like A Woman 113. Harassing Parrot 114. Costume Party 115. Unpredictable 116. Southern Girl 117. Cosmetics Line 118. Pregnancy Question 119. Jamaican Baby 120. Father Of Who 121. Scared Dad 122. Weird Names 123. Pushing It 124. Advanced Medicine 125. Prostate Surgery 126. Tragedy 127. Land of OZ 128. Shark Fishing 129. Whatcha Got There? 130. Torah Scholar 131. Twice The Size 132. Crime Of Thought 133. Chinese Detective 134. Obsessions 135. Vaseline 136. Sitting In The Car 137. New Kilt 138. A close Shave 139. Far East Problem 140. No Pants 141. Little Green Man 142. Rough Day At The Bar 143. College Female Dorms 144. A Blondes Legs 145. Men Ruling 146. Halloween Party 147. 3 Wishes 148. 50 dollars is 50 dollars Анекдоты, шутки и смешные истории (часть 2) Computing is like sex because... What is Politics? - 2 In the immigration service A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body I'm speechless An elderly man in Louisiana owned a large farm for several years

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The blonde joke [3]

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee’s well-being, asks sympathetically, “What’s the matter?” The blonde replies, “Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.” “I’m terribly sorry to hear that. Why don’t you go home for the day? We aren’t terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest.” The blonde very calmly explains, “No, I’d be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.” The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. “If you need anything, just let me know,” he says. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, “Are you going to be OK? Is there anything I can do to help?” “No,” replies the blonde, “I just got a call from my twin sister, and she said that HER mom died too!”

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Three nuns

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said: “I was cleaning in Father’s room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines.” “What did you do?” the other nuns asked. “Well, of course I threw them in the trash.” The second nun said: “Well, I can top that. I was in Father’s room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!” “Oh my!” gasped the other nuns. “What did you do?” they asked. “I poked holes in all of them!” she replied. The third nun fainted. Three nuns

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Jewish Atheist

On the Upper West Side of NYC lived an assimilated Jew who was now a very militant atheist. But he sent his son to Trinity School because, despite its denominational roots, it’s a great school, and completely secular. After a month, the boy comes home and says casually, “By the way Dad, do you know what Trinity means? It means the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.” The father can barely control his rage. He seizes his son by the shoulders and declares, “Danny, I’m going to tell you something now and I want you never to forget it. There is only one God… and we don’t believe in him!”

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The jewish joke

Old Rabbi Wolfson was begging his board of directors to buy a new chandelier for the synagogue. Pleading for more than an hour, he sat down sullen and hopeless in his ambition to acquire a chandelier. Then the elder president of the board stood up. ‘What’re we wasting time talkin’ for?’ he said rhetorically. ‘Foist of all, a chandelier, … we ain’t got nobody who could even spell it. Second, we ain’t got nobody who could even play it. And third, what we need most in the synagogue is more light.’

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For the sake of decency

The Swede’s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. “Good God, woman! Why aren’t you wearing any skivvies?” Olaf demands. “Well, you don’t give me enough housekeeping money to afford any,” his wife replies. The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says: “For the sake of decency, here’s a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.” Next, the Irishman’s wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no panties. “Blessed Virgin Mary, woman!” Patrick exclaims: “You’ve no knickers. Why not?” She replies: “I can’t afford any on the money you give me.” Patrick reaches into his pocket and says: “For the sake of decency, here’s a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!” Lastly, the Scotsman’s wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. “Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?” he asks. She too explains: “You dinna give me enough money to be able to affarrd any.” The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says: “Well, fer the love ‘o decency, here’s a comb… tidy yourself up a bit.”

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