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The jewish joke

Old Rabbi Wolfson was begging his board of directors to buy a new chandelier for the synagogue. Pleading for more than an hour, he sat down sullen and hopeless in his ambition to acquire a chandelier. Then the elder president of the board stood up. ‘What’re we wasting time talkin’ for?’ he said rhetorically. ‘Foist of all, a chandelier, … we ain’t got nobody who could even spell it. Second, we ain’t got nobody who could even play it. And third, what we need most in the synagogue is more light.’

The jewish joke

Смотреть далее | 10.02.2025 | Отправить ссылку друзьям

For the sake of decency

The Swede’s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

“Good God, woman! Why aren’t you wearing any skivvies?” Olaf demands.

“Well, you don’t give me enough housekeeping money to afford any,” his wife replies.

The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says: “For the sake of decency, here’s a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.”

Next, the Irishman’s wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no panties.

“Blessed Virgin Mary, woman!” Patrick exclaims: “You’ve no knickers. Why not?”

She replies: “I can’t afford any on the money you give me.”

Patrick reaches into his pocket and says: “For the sake of decency, here’s a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!”

Lastly, the Scotsman’s wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.

“Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?” he asks.

She too explains: “You dinna give me enough money to be able to affarrd any.”

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says: “Well, fer the love ‘o decency, here’s a comb… tidy yourself up a bit.”

For the sake of decency

Смотреть далее | 09.02.2025 | Отправить ссылку друзьям

Poor Silver

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer.

After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, “Who owns the big white horse outside?”

The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt and said “I do. Why?”

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, “I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside.”

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and made him drink it. Soon Silver was starting to feel better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, “Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better.”

Tonto said, “Sure, Kemosabe”, and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and announces, “Who owns that big white horse outside?”

The Lone Ranger stands again and claims, “I do. What is wrong with him this time?”

The cowboy says to him, “Nothin’ much, I just wanted you to know….you left your Injun running.

Poor Silver

Смотреть далее | 08.02.2025 | Отправить ссылку друзьям

Having a bad day — Remember it

Remember it could be worse

1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

2. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

3. Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn Germany. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

And finally:
4. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb he opened it and was blown to bits.

Смотреть далее | 07.02.2025 | Отправить ссылку друзьям

Tampon shopping

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.

The salesgirl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, “Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?”

He answers, “You see, it’s like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers…. ‘Cause it’s sooooooooooo much cheaper. So….I figure if I have to roll my own… So does she….”

Tampon shopping

Смотреть далее | 06.02.2025 | Отправить ссылку друзьям

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